Blógünder Schlock

I caught the midnight showing of Up last night, and now I’m conflicted. I loved the film, but I’m not sure my in-theater experience was superior to the one I had with Star Trek. I do know, however, that this is a film that I simply have to own, while I’m content to leave Star Trek as a happy memory of the big screen.

In fairness, that means Star Trek remains at the top of my summer rankings. If I ever decide to start ranking DVD and Blu-Ray purchases we can revisit this discussion.

My rankings this summer now stand as follows. I can stop punishing Wolverine with empty spaces above it (soon I will punish that film by pushing it lower):

1. Star Trek

2. Up

3. Terminator: Salvation

4. Angels & Demons

5. Night at The Museum 2

6. Wolverine

I don’t want to spoil Up for anyone, so rather than tell you how far beyond the trailers the film reaches or why the first fifteen minutes are so incredibly powerful, I’ll just tell you the two things I think every Up-wardly mobile theater-goer needs to know. First, the 3-D is every bit as good as Monsters vs. Aliens, and excels by never caving in to the “now it’s right in your face” trick. There may have been extreme in-my-face moments during the film, but they didn’t stand out (I can’t remember them happening) and they definitely weren’t forced.

The second thing you need to know: the film did not begin with the traditional Pixar short. This is important information, because without it you might think that the opening scenes of the film are part of a story you won’t be quizzed on later. Also, you don’t want to be weeping disconsolately over the absence of a short when you’re supposed to be enjoying the story in front of you. Get that out of your system now. No short. The movie didn’t need one.

And that’s all I need to say. As has become custom, I’ll keep the spoilers in the comments thread.

Well… that’s all I need to say about Up. I do also need to say that I’ve been listening to the soundtracks for Angels & Demons (Hans Zimmer), Star Trek (Michael Giacchino), and Terminator Salvation (Danny Elfman) and Angels & Demons is the absolute runaway favorite. I love some of Giacchino’s work, and Elfman is one of my all time favorite composers, but the Angels & Demons score is an absolute feast for the ears.

EDIT: I’m told that some theaters ARE showing a Pixar short, entitled “Partly Cloudy.” Great. I got short-changed in a big way. For me, that nails Up in the #2 slot. Your mileage will almost certainly vary.

This is the pair of work days during which a horde of minions volunteers show up to help package and send out 1300 packages full of Schlock books.  We always schedule two days, but for the past three shipping events the workers have been so amazing that there was nothing left to do on the second day.

Who: Any Schlock fan who is either local to Utah, or willing to travel at their own expense.

Where:  At Dragon’s Keep 260 N University Ave in Provo

When:  Starting at 9 AM running until 4 PM on June 8.  If there is work left to do, we’ll start again at 9 AM on June 9.

What:  The Scrapyard of Insufferable Arrogance Shipping Event.  Most of the work will be putting books and slipcases into boxes and sticking labels onto the top.  There will be laughter and free food.  Volunteers will also get to pick through our scratch and dent box to take something home with them.  We do need a couple of volunteers with trucks who are willing to show up at our house at 8 AM on June 8 to help us haul massive piles of stuff down to Dragon’s keep.

Why: Because putting all those books in boxes all by myself would take a really, really long time.

If you are interested in volunteering for this event, please email schlockmercenary at gmail.com with the word “volunteer” in the subject line.  It would be helpful if the body of the email lists when you’re likely to be coming.  Some of you have already emailed me to volunteer.  I’m pretty sure I’ve got you listed, but it would be a good idea to email again to make sure you’re on the mailing list.  If you don’t want to email, but still want to come, feel free to show up on the 8th. If you only have an hour or two, that is fine just stop by. I don’t recommend showing up on the 9th unless you’ve read an announcement that there is still work to be done.

Have any questions?  email schlockmercenary at gmail.com and I’ll clarify.  Thanks everyone!

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian was sort of fun. At least a little. Sadly, the best part was the Ice Age 3 trailer, and since that only had one good moment in it the whole experience was more of an opportunity to rest my sketching hand for a couple of hours. It would have been nice to rest my hand AND see an awesome movie, but that was not meant to be.

In the original Night at the Museum we had interesting arcs for several characters, a fascinating little puzzle to solve, a family crisis, and two romances. We also had “cameos” from historical figures and museum exhibits, and some fun action.

In this installment we have lots of those cameos and more action, but there are no character arcs to speak of and the romance is more of a tragedy. In short, the filmmakers took all the neat elements that make for great trailers and crafted a film out of them. The movie has no heart. It’s funny in spots, and I’m sure my kids will enjoy it when I bring it home on video, but it’s going to sink like a rock on my summer rankings — a death knell to be feared by movie studios worldwide, I assure you.

My rankings this summer stand as follows:

1. Star Trek

2. Terminator: Salvation

3. Angels & Demons

4. Night at The Museum 2

5.

6. Wolverine.

I hope to be able to see Up on Friday, perhaps at the first matinee of the day, but I have a LOT of work to do between now and then. I fully expect Pixar to again push everybody else down a notch, including Star Trek. If high expectations weaken a film, Up is coming into the fray with a blindfold and one hand tied behind its back.

If you want to enjoy Terminatior Salvation it’s possible the only thing you need to do is expect to hate it. I’m not sure, though. I was pretty tired when I saw it. A weekend of conventioning will do that to a guy. I liked the movie, but afterwards I also laughed so hard I nearly crashed the car (well, no… but I still shouldn’t laugh that hard while driving) when my brother told me a story that he’d told me before.

I liked T4, and I expected not to. I didn’t like it as much as Star Trek, and I didn’t like it enough to go see it a second time, but I did like it. Digital Arnold was fantastic. I say “Digital Arnold,” but that’s not fair. He looked every bit as much “Arnold” as Arnold himself did in 1984. He looked a lot better than Wolverine’s Digital Claws.

But by telling you this I might be raising your expectations. Kick those expectations in the shins, quick!
My rankings this summer now look like this:

1. Star Trek

2. Terminator: Salvation

3. Angels & Demons

4.

5.

6. Wolverine.

Your mileage may vary. Feel free to talk about it with all the spoilering you want. Just don’t spoil Night at the Museum 2 for me. That one’s next.

This weekend I was the Artist Guest of Honor at CONduit XIX: Evil Overlords of CONduit. I want to make it clear right away that while I was quite happy to accept this honored status there were artists there much worthier of acclaim. My friends Sarah Seiter and Jessica Douglas top that list. Their art-show panels made my panels all jealous.

But for me these events are not about honor nor acclaim. They’re about learning new stuff, teaching old stuff, making new friends, and connecting with old friends. And all this happens while celebrating the speculative genres in writing, art, music, and even dance.

A previous post has my schedule in it. I won’t trouble you with a travelogue, or a blow-by-blow. Sandra wrote more (and better) about the event than I can, and Fox 13 News offered television audiences a two-minute tour.

Some of my favorite moments from CONduit were the impromptu gatherings of professionals, the conversation groups that would coalesce at odd hours (often late ones) in the hotel lobby, empty conference rooms, or lesser-used passageways. Utah is home to a surprising number of genre-fiction writers and CONduit is like a big family reunion for us, complete with the crazy uncle, the could-have-been-a-supermodel cousin, and the scary half-Italian second cousin with rumored mob connections. If you’ve ever wanted to be a fly on the wall somewhere, I know some good walls.

I think the most significant single moment from CONduit XIX for me came at the Scrapyard Release Party, when I stepped outside for a moment and ran into my friend Gizmo. He said “I want to tell you something, but you need to take it the right way.” I agreed to take it the right way, expecting to learn that my fly was down. “When I first met you three years ago you looked like a comic book guy trying to sell your comics. Now you look like a professional.”

I pondered that remark for quite some time. I’m not entirely sure what has changed in my demeanor, what outward signs Giz is seeing, but one thing’s for sure: I’m glad he said something, because I do feel like something has changed. It might be that these shoes are finally starting to fit.

Next year CONduit’s theme is “Space Pirates of CONduit.” It’s happening over Memorial Day Weekend in 2010. Come meet my sometimes-dysfunctional extended family (I’m the cousin everybody expects to end up in prison.)

The last couple of days have been busy. Sandra took pictures.

I’ll be in Salt Lake City for CONduit XIX: The Evil Overlords of CONduit. I’m giving the keynote address at 5:00pm Friday, and throwing a party from 4:00pm to 6:00pm on Saturday. Lots of my stuff, including framed cel prints and some cool XDM artwork will be on display in the Art Show.

Finally, my take on a bunch of evil overlords from film, television, comics, and animation will be worn all over the show as badge art all weekend, or at least until attorneys from certain entertainment companies arrive with C&D orders.

Registration is required for the full convention, but if you just want to come to the book launch, that’s completely free. And now, my full schedule, complete with links!
FRIDAY

2:00pm – How Do You Write A Great Evil Overlord: Clint Johnson, Ann Sharp, Roger White, Dave Wolverton, Howard Tayler, Dan Willis

3:00pm – How to Draw Evil Overlords: Howard Tayler, Jessica Douglas, Brian Hailes

5:00pm – Main Address: Howard Tayler

6:00pm – The Howard and Sandra Show, Part I: Structuring For The Creative Life

SATURDAY

10:00am – Howard Tayler Reading: (I won’t be reading comics to you. I’ll be reading some humorous essays.)
12:00 noon – The Howard and Sandra Show, Part II:  The Nuts and Bolts of Running a Creative Business

1:00pm – Writing Excuses Podcast, with a Live Studio Audience: Brandon Sanderson, Dan Wells, Howard Tayler

4:00pm – Scrapyard of Insufferable Arrogance Launch Party: Howard and Sandra Tayler, a Plasma Cannon, a Big Hammer, Free Food and Drink, and Schlock Mercenary: The Scrapyard of Insufferable Arrogance

SUNDAY

2:00pm – My Favorite Books – What Are Writers Reading? Jessica Day George, Howard Tayler, Paul Genesse, Brandon Sanderson, Lee Allred, Larry Correia

4:00pm – Aspiring Writers Q&A: Larry Correia, Dave Wolverton, Eric James Stone, Paul Genesse, Julie Wright, Howard Tayler

We’ll have copies of all the Schlock books, the boxed sets, and a number of prints for sale in the Art Show, so don’t look for me in the Dealer’s Room. If you can catch up with me, I’ll have a sharpie in my pocket and will cheerfully deface things at your request. Yes, I will even sign your badge.

The absolute best time for signing, though, is at the book launch. Not only can I do free sketches there, I can do numbered sketch editions ($10 extra). I can stamp, number, and then sketch your copy of Scrapyard. We’ve set aside numbers 11 through 25 out of 1000 for this event.

Remember, if you want to pick up your pre-ordered copy of Scrapyard you must bring a copy of your receipt with you. In lieu of refunded shipping please enjoy some free food and early super-express-personalized delivery of your book!

I’m feeling a little distracted right now. It’s ten past eight in the morning, and I have it on good authority that six hours from now a delivery truck is going to unload eleven pallets of Schlock in my driveway.

This Saturday, May 23rd, we shall be celebrating at the Radisson Hotel on 215W South Temple in Salt Lake City. The Scrapyard of Insufferable Arrogance Launch Party will run from 4:00pm to 6:00pm with prizes, food, all kinds of Schlock merchandise, and me sketching like a madman. The launch is part of the CONduit science fiction and fantasy convention, but you don’t need a convention membership to come to this party.

Next Tuesday, May 26th, we will be closing pre-orders on Scrapyard so that we can prepare to ship books. Shipping will be happening on June 8th and 9th. The delay is there so that I have time to sketch in a thousand books without hurting myself. Also, Sandra needs to print and sort about $15,000 worth of postage.

We only have enough copies of Under New Management remaining to make about 100 more boxed sets, which we lovingly refer to in the store as Schlock Mercenary: Munitions Canister I. When those are gone, Under New Management will be out of print for the rest of the summer. We’ve corrected the typos, tweaked some images, and submitted files for a second printing, but we’re not expecting those pallets-full until August. You are welcome to pre-order boxed sets and empty slipcases through Tuesday the 26th.

If you are going to be in the Salt Lake City area this weekend and wish to pick up your order at the party, all you need to do is print out your order confirmation and present it to Sandra. If you are there and wish to upgrade your order to a numbered sketch edition, as many as a dozen of you can do that, too. As always I will be doing non-numbered sketches at no charge.

It’s now twenty minutes until 9:00am, and I still have over five hours to wait until my pallets of joy arrive. I promise to take pictures when they do…

On the spur of the moment I decided to see Angels & Demons Friday morning. I’ve read the book, so I had a pretty good idea what I was in for. My friend Richard Bliss went with me, and he had not read the book. He hadn’t planned to see this film, but got swept up by the spur of that same moment when I called him.

The verdict: I liked it a lot. The plot twists were all there, and they got rid of the absolutely ridiculous “Langdon jumps from a helicopter and lands safely in water” bit. We’ve all seen too much Mythbusters for that to have any play. Richard liked it too, so I think that your enjoyment of the film probably isn’t all that dependent on whether or not you’ve read the book.

It might also not be that dependent on how much you liked the book. Regarding the novels, I thought the plotting in Angels & Demons was much better than in The DaVinci Code but the prose in the first was weaker, while the reveal in the second was much more interesting. On film Ron Howard is able to dispense with the weak bits of Brown’s writing and just deliver on a nicely thrilling, suspenseful story with a nicely not-too-heavy-handed treatment of the theme of science vs. religion.

Thus far then this summer, my rankings look like this:

1. Star Trek

2. Angels & Demons

3.

4.

5.

6. Wolverine.

I’m pretty sure that any film I’m looking forward to will be able to displace Angels & Demons from my #2 slot, but its relationship to Wolverine feels about right. That particular film continues to pain me. I don’t think his healing factor is working. It’s been two weeks…

We have two auctions running this week. The first is simple: Schlock Mercenary: The Scrapyard of Insufferable Arrogance, sketch edition #001 of 1000. The winner not only gets the book, but gets to pick what goes on the sketch page.

Yes, that’s a one-of-a-kind offering, but this next one beats it. We have found three sketch editions, one each for The Teraport Wars (219/1000), Under New Management (294/300), and The Blackness Between (101/888). We’re adding a non-numbered sketch (winner chooses the art) for The Tub of Happiness and sketch edition #002 (winner chooses the art) for Scrapyard of Insufferable Arrogance. These will be shipped as part of the first boxed-with-five-sketches Munitions Canister I boxed set.

And now I need to get back to work. Books are supposedly arriving this week, and I need to rebuild the buffer before I start drawing in them.

So… Star Trek and Wolverine walk into a bar. Wolverine pops out those shiny CGI claws and goes “rawr.” Star Trek beams him into oblivion.

Ranking my favorite films so far this summer:

1. Star Trek

2.

3.

4.

5.

6. Wolverine. But only because I’m being nice.

Interestingly, both Star Trek and Wolverine seek to do the same thing: Take an existing franchise with a large body of cinematic, print, and illustrated canon, and tell a revelatory, dramatic prequel story. Both franchises are burdened with reams of fanboy-only factoids, emotional baggage, and pop-culture awareness. Both are decades old. Both face the challenge of engaging the audience in spite of the fact that most of us already know who has to live because we’ve seen what happens next.

Both films must grin fearlessly in the face of an increasingly cynical movie-going public, an angry public which has been fed a steady diet of sci-fi-action-adventure-franchise, and is coming to this film with irritable bowel syndrome.

Star Trek succeeded where Wolverine failed. I won’t try to pursue the “irritable bowel” metaphor any further because I’m not a doctor, and I try to save my best poo jokes for the strip.

Star Trek is easily my #1 favorite for the year (not saying much, I know) and if it had come out LAST year it would have been my favorite then, too. Or maybe tied with WALL*E. That’s a tough call, because the films are so very, very different.  I’ll say this much: If you’re a cynical movie-goer, tired of franchise movies, embarrassed at having ever been a Trekker/Trekkie/Trek-fan, but you loved Serenity, you need to reward Paramount Pictures’ good behavior by seeing this film.

If Star Trek and Serenity were to walk into a bar… well, I think we’d see a drinking game between Browncoats and Vulcans. There’d be too much mutual respect for a fight.

Feel free to discuss. Be warned, the discussion will contain spoilers…