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Friday May 18, 2012
I don’t want to spend the rest of the summer comparing movies to The Avengers, but it’s only fair to point out that if The Avengers is still in theaters and somebody in your party has not yet seen it, you should probably make “Yet Another Showing Of The Avengers” your #1 option for movie money.
This weekend, assuming everybody in the group is tired of YASOTA, Battleship is actually a surprisingly good option #2. I liked it almost as much asJohn Carter of Mars, and more than Lockout, which I liked more than I probably should have. Here’s the trick, though: you need to try not to engage in certain sorts of mental behavior. I’ll enumerate them for you:
1) Don’t ask “why are we getting to know these characters?” during the opening two or three scenes. Just roll with it. These scenes are fun in their own way, and even if you’re just here for the popcorn and explosions, the explosions will be more fun if you know who’s exploding.
2) Don’t ask “is that really how naval wargames work?” Because I don’t know, and I suspect I’m happier NOT knowing. Stuff will start exploding soon enough.
3) Don’t ask how the FTLcomms or travel work. Don’t even ask “wait, is that FTL?” because the movie is going to give all that stuff a much wider miss than the approaching aliens should have given our space junk. Just nod to yourself, think “cheap FTL, got it,” and move on.
4) Whatever you do, don’t start asking about the motivations of the aliens, or the implications of their technology. Especially best left unasked: “if they can project an impenetrable force-bubble 300 miles in diameter, why do they use clunky ballistic munitions?” I opened that can of worms after the movie, and am convinced that it is worms all the way to the bottom. The bottom of the universe.
It’s possible I’ve said too much. Just looking at this list you’re possibly saying to yourself “this movie is too stupid to live,” in which case I suspect you’re up for YASOTA this weekend. Or maybe you’ll MST3K your way through Battleship and manage just fine.
(Note: the use of an actual battleship when they’ve all been decommissioned? Nicely handled. Also, the part of the movie that actually looks like it might be based on the game? Clever, and very silly. Oh so very silly.)