CKK: The Confirmed Keyboard Kill
Posted December 2nd, 2008 by Howard TaylerOccasionally I get sad emails from people who have made the mistake of reading Schlock Mercenary with a mouthful of their favorite morning beverage. I call these emails “confirmed keyboard kills,” and I’d venture to say that if every one of those keyboards actually needs to be replaced, I’ve cost the world tens of thousands of dollars.
But you only have my word for it.
I just learned that a new site has launched allowing you to tell others whether or not a particular strip is funny. Is It Funny Today, found at isitfunnytoday.com lets you see what others think is funny, and rate strips yourself on a simple funny/not-funny scale.
There is no CKK option yet, but there should be.
I’ve linked you to the “story comics” page, because that’s where Schlock Mercenary appears. If you feel inclined to tell others that I made you laugh, heed that inclination and go!
Also, stop reading this comic with your mouth full. The world economy is suffering enough without your senseless wasting of computer hardware and carefully-brewed beverages.
Explore posts in the same categories: Comics, Humor, Random Linkage, Uncategorized
December 2nd, 2008 at 9:01 am
Here I sit with a large mug of tea on my desk. Having swallowed, I click on Schlock Mercenary in anticipation of what comes next. I’ve learned my lesson, though no confirmed kills yet. It takes a bit longer for my drinks to kill keyboards, tannic acid doesn’t gum them up so much as stain and I’m not into sugary drinks. The papers on the desk, however; are not so lucky when I get caught out.
December 2nd, 2008 at 9:11 am
I have to disagree with you on the admonishment to not Schlock with your mouth full for reasons of the global recession. The sad fact of the matter is, if the mouth full of food/drink needs to be replaced (still hungry/thirsty) then money is spent, and if the keyboard needs to be replaced (CKK) then money is spent. In both cases the result is positive for the global economy. Now, if someone does not have the money to spend because they have been effected by the recession, then why are they on Schlock Mercenary and not Monster anyway.
December 2nd, 2008 at 9:37 am
Along with “Is it funny today”, check out the shiny red “Give Props” button on the left of the site – that’s specifically so that you can click to acknowledge the coolness of Schlock. “Is it funny” lets you rate a particular strip, but if you want to express support for the strip in general, go to http://www.madpropits.com, make an account, and then click the shiny red button to Give Props. (full disclosure: madpropits.com is my project, and it’s totally awesome. Click the button.)
December 2nd, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Along with having to repeatedly clean my old keyboard, it was finally done in by the comic. It should also be noted that I believe that repeated dousing is what finally did in my old monitor as well.
Now I wish I had not thrown out the last so I could let you nail it to your trophy wall. I will have to bring by the next keyboard I do in, as I never seem to learn my lesson.
You are well worth the price of a new keyboard every now and then.
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:09 am
i have not yet done in my keyboard over schlock merc, however i have enjoyed the frequent hearty from the strip, and i firmly agree with his adamant refusal to part with his favourite sidearm. i do by the way miss the “ominous huummm” of his earlier model, which let opponents know something very bad was about to happen while giving them little or no time, or chance, to do anything about it.
“gunner”
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:11 am
read “hearty chuckle”, sorry ’bout that, its late and i’m getting sleepy.
“gunner”
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:24 am
I never read comics when eating breakfast. Altho i have laughed out loud a few times at work, giving away the fact that i was in fact not working. :)
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:13 am
To be truly epic, a “CKK” should be delivered nasally.
So far, only Roger Zelazny’s _Blood of Amber_ can boast one in my life. Just as well, three ounces of wine, leaving the body that way, hurts.
A lot.
D.
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:25 am
Personally, I’ve never had something *funny* cause me to Chinese-
Fan a keyboard and/or monitor.
Please note the emphasis on the word “funny” — if you ever see me
looking at something on a computer screen which causes me to spew
like a beer can in a paint mixer, please do yourself a favor, and
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL WHICH IS DECENT, *DO* *NOT* TRY TO
READ IT OVER MY SHOULDER. Chances are, it is sufficiently vile,
vulgar, and/or disgusting that you too will spew — and if you do so
while reading over my shoulder, YOU ARE GOING TO SPEW ON ME! :)
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:19 am
In the Unwashed Village we generally call these types of situations “Whoops, there goes my coffee out my nose”.
Also, you owe me a new G15. Reading the ones from about 5 years ago had me explode the first time around :
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:27 am
What is a G15, and how much will it set me back?
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:35 am
Logitech G15 gaming keyboard – about $76 on Amazon
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:54 am
Am I the only one who thinks that “Confirmed Keyboard Kill” would be a great theme for a t-shirt?
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:06 am
Howard, I find an interesting quirk of your RSS feed because of this discussion. It seems that your feed links the current entry to the front page and previousl entries to their permalink. This is an issue because places like IsItFunny only check an entry one time, and their database thinks that the permalink for all of your comics is your frontpage.
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:42 am
Cpt. Sqweky – I like that – perhaps diagonally across the chest with Schlock on top, giving a “Yesss!” fist-pump and Petie and Ennsby high-fiving below…
(I just particularly like the image of Ennsby high-fiving anyone… Gravitics for the win!)
Howard – You’ve yet to kill a keyboard on me, or a monitor. You are clearly slacking! To work, up with the funneh!
Dev Dot Null – Wasabi peas. All I gotta say about THAT. *twitch*
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:11 pm
I long ago learned that taking a drink (or taking a bit of solid food) was unwise when reading this comic.
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:12 pm
You would think that I would have learned by now, sadly, most mornings I must eat hastily while getting my fix then run to work.
I worry because my smartphone/pda now rests between my monitor and keyboard when it is plugged in to sync. How long before it too becomes a casualty…
December 3rd, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Now, I’m way overdue for my Full Review of the History of Schlock, but I’m pretty sure that this is the first time that Kevin has been out-thought by anyone or anything. This is an EPIC day, my friends.
As for you so-called fans that read Schlock over breakfast: Howard posts at 2100hrs MTS, barring fire in the server farm. (And I think that oversight has been fixed.) What are you waiting for?
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:34 pm
student: Go and re-read Schlocktoberfest 2006. Elf and Kevyn’s courtship began with her out-thinking him.
December 4th, 2008 at 5:27 am
Student: waiting for two things.
1: that i´ll wake up
2: my breakfast
December 4th, 2008 at 6:05 am
Yes, my typical morning starts around 0130 in the morning. I do appreciate those days when I can check out the strip as soon as it goes up, but most of the time I must be in bed or I will not get enough sleep and crash my truck when I fall asleep behind the wheel.
Now for most drivers, that would be tragic enough, but let’s not forget, I haul explosives. A few moments of inattention from me and a road is going to be shut down for a month or two while they fill in the large smoking crater.
Even driving the smallest of our trucks, I typically have on three times what was used in the Oklahoma City bombing, only ours is professional grade, not backyard home made.
I only wish I would be able to see the news headline when I do dork up.
Howard, you will have to save me the news clippings for when we meet on the other side.
How sweet would it be if I could make national…
December 4th, 2008 at 6:23 am
Congrats, WEKM – you’ve now caused at least a keyboard wound, if not an outright kill. *applause whilst mopping up*
December 4th, 2008 at 10:06 am
WEKM – I bet that you’re still glad you aren’t in a high stress job. Like school bus driver.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
@Bookworm: Or a city transit driver? That would be me.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Gah!
Apparently we aren’t allowed to read your posts while drinking either… geez. :P
December 4th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
So, Howard, how many handwritten letters have you received from people who REALLY killed their keyboard? If you ever manage to make me backfire coffee out my nose and take out my Belkin, I will hand write it, even if i have to use the backup keyboard to find a mailing address for Tayler Corp
December 4th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
I hate to be the only one to say this, but when I read the post, I thought the link was for ‘I Sit Funny’ and not ‘Is It Funny’.
Left me with a whole different set of expectations….
December 4th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
@JohnB “Wasabi peas?”
You win. It’d take a roto-rooter and a liter of lidocaine to clear your sinus’ afterwards.
D.
December 5th, 2008 at 4:26 am
wekm,
you’ve got my sympathy, driving “the nitro express”. all i had to worry about hauling was a few megabucks, and i was allowed to shoot at “do it yourself socialists” if they came around looking to share the wealth.
“gunner”
December 5th, 2008 at 4:32 am
by the way, no particular relevance to anything, but i turned 72 today, after celebrating my 42nd wedding anniversary yesterday.
“gunner”
December 5th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Happy Birthday, and Happy Anniversary!
You’ve been married for two years longer than I’ve been alive — congratulations! I consider myself quite honored to count a member of your generation among my readers.
December 5th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Many happy returns, and all that, Gunner!
D.
December 6th, 2008 at 1:42 am
BTW: For those who have lost at least one keyboard to an ill-timed
Chinese Fan, may I suggest a “heyboard condom”, a la:
http://www.protectcovers.com
http://www.compucover.com/KS_Info.html
http://www.computerdust.com/products/keyboard_covers.html .
It’s cheaper (almost) than a new keyboard every week. :)
December 6th, 2008 at 7:37 am
@csadn – Just make sure they get the profile correct. I had a problem with keyboards on an original Mac a bunch of years ago (I didn’t kill them, but they’d get possessed and happily type to itself while I watched from across the office).
After replacing 2 in as many months, and being warned that the job was running out of spares, I ordered a condom for the keyboard. They sent the wrong style. I had to take a photocopy of the keyboard and mail it in to the company.
December 6th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
thank you howard, and all, and thanks too for the fun i’ve had reading the strip, which i intend to continue with as long as i remain vertical and warm.
“gunner”
December 6th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
by the way howard, 40 isn’t “over the hill” and don’t believe anybody that tells you it is. i’m a long way past 40 and i’ve only just begun to hit the upgrade, “over” is still a ways off yet.
“gunner”
December 8th, 2008 at 1:46 am
CKK? C /K/ K?
I didn’t email you about it, but Schlock Mercenary killed a /laptop/ for me. Schlock made me laugh so hard it fell off my lap, and onto concrete. It never booted again.
It also was a 486, and this was 2001, so don’t feel bad.
December 8th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Er, it was 2004, not 2001. My tenkey skills are slipping, I see…