July 13, 2003

Yeah, Yeah, I'm your BEEYachelor
entry,

Thursday morning Sandra took the kids to a family reunion while yours truly headed off to work. Since that time I've heard that they're romping around in some KOA Kampground with frooglepoopillions of cousins, while I've been home alone discovering that my house is a creepy place. Without the pitter-patter of little feet and rattling uvulae of little screams it's downright cavernous.

I'm glad to be married. I'm happy to be a parent. It's fun to get away from the family, but not fun enough that I'll do it very often.

You wanna know something funny? I did the dishes yesterday (I do dishes fairly often, for the record -- that's not the funny part, so shut up already) and have not dirtied a single bowl, plate, or utensil since then. I've used two glasses, both on my new favorite concoction -- vanilla Diet Pepsi. Everything else I've eaten (and I mean EVERYTHING) has been eaten out. Chinese buffet, pseudo-Thai food at the mall, Sonic burger, 50-cent "grand opening" tacos, one o' them new-fangled McGriddle thingies... it's pathetic. I mean, I love to cook, and I can dish it out with the best of them if I've got a clean kitchen and fresh ingredients to work with, but when I'm just feeding ME I'd rather pay someone else to do it.

I think this means that I cook to show off. When there's no-one to show off for, I stop cooking. I bet the comic strip is the same way. If everyone would stop reading it (and I mean EVERYONE) I'd probably subscribe to the newspaper and do crossword puzzles instead.

My family won't return until Monday, and I'm leaving on Tuesday for Comic-Con International in San Diego. This means that the bizzatchelor is in the hizzouse (or the hizzotel -- Hizzilton Gazzasslamp) until July 21st. My kids will have forgotten what I look like, and I'll be calling them by the wrong names for weeks to come. Then I'll be all, like, "whaddaya want for dinner?" and won't be able to remember how to cook anything except cheese'n'macaroni... which I will then be expected to EAT.