May 23, 2003
Hulk Make Sandra Angry...entry,
... and you would not like Sandra when she's angry. Sandra SMASH.
Our story begins, as many stories in this decade are wont to do, at Wal-Mart. I spied some Hershey's Chocolate Syrup packaged in green bottles with pictures of the Incredible Hulk on them. I'm a sucker for the impulse-buy when there is chocolate or superheroes involved. There was simply no way I could pass on this stuff.
It turns out the syrup makes the milk turn green, rather than the deep, sweet brown most chocolate milk aficionados are accustomed to. What miracle of chemistry could turn the permanently-staining brown of chocolate into a green that would make Bruce Banner worry for the lives of his neighbors?
What miracle indeed. Apparently the green dye used is one that is not metabolized. At all. This particular molecule stays green, and does not pass through stomach lining nor intestinal walls. I think this dye would make an excellent dietary marker. Do you really want to know how long it takes a particular meal to run your gastrointestinal gauntlet? One glass of chocolate milk made with green Hershey's Syrup is all you need to take with that meal, and you'll know for sure.
Now you and I may be momentarily fascinated with elementary excrementals, but we're typically content to let bygones be bygones when the movement moment has passed. That's what the big porcelain bowl is for -- bygonification.
I have three problems, however. First, I have a two-year-old who wears diapers. Second, she refuses to be left out if everybody is getting chocolate milk.
The third problem is the icing on the cake... If she gets too much dairy in her diet, when the (ahem) moment passes, it does so rather fluidly.
I'd make a crack here about the colorful metaphors employed by my wife during a recent diaper change, but that might be pushing things a bit too far. I've probably already said too much.
By all means, enjoy your chocolate milk.