Narrator: It has come to our attention that readers of "Schlock Mercenary" are not interested in watching a French Canadian lumberjack go through a stick of butter with a chainsaw.
Narrator: We've also been told that the French battle-cry "My duck is on fire"is unlikely. Apparently French Canadians are more passionate about geese.
Narrator: With apologies for yesterday's installment, we proudly present a hard-bitten American lumberjack, Hank Houston!
Hank: Pleased ta meetcha.
Reader One: I'm going to stop complaining about "Meanwhile at the galactic core" now.
Reader Two: Hank's really working that butter.