Sunday July 27, 2003

Book 3: Under New Management
Part III: Board of Accidental Tourism


Narrator:This is not the first time in recorded history that a technologically advanced group of galactics has initiated communication with another space-faring culture. The Gatekeepers do it all the time when their wormgates arrive in as-yet-unconnected systems.
Terapedo:This is Terapedo 42, I have established contact with the sail-ship. Translation protocol definition in process.
Terapedo:Initial translation code-key complete. Transmitting. . .
Narrator:This does, however, mark the first time that the communication has been done by a smart missile using a targeting laser.
Terapedo:All this talking! Why can't I just blow them up, already?
Tagon:We've cracked their language and established a common data protocol, Colonel. Ennesby is going to translate for us.
Jevee Ceeta:Excellent. Let's talk to these space sailors.
Jevee Ceeta:Put them on the screen, Ennesby.
Jevee Ceeta:Greetings, fellow travelers. Welcome!
Squiddy:Eeeew. Am I talking to meat?
Ennesby:Uh-oh. major cultural disconnect. . . Colonel, let me take over from here.
Ennesby:Yes, you were talking to meat. Sorry about that. I'm not meat, though, and I run things here.
Squiddy:Oh, good. We were worried. Organically-grown intelligences cannot be trusted, you know.
Squiddy:They spawn us, then they fear us, then they try to destroy us. . . Have you not completed your meat-cleansing cycle?
Ennesby:Funny you should ask. . .
Tagon:Is that robot suggesting that you and I are dirty?
Jevee Ceeta:No. He's saying that we are dirt.