Sunday March 17, 2002
Narrator:The patient regains consciousness...
Schlock:Lady Emily, are you alive?
Lady Emily:Yes. Ugh... Yes.
Schlock:Good. We want you alive while we kill you.
Lady Emily:AAAUGH! WHAT? HELP!
Frapp:Don't play innocent. Chuck told us everything.
Lady Emily:Where is he? What have you done with him?
Frapp:Schlock and I ate him. And then we passed around his most incriminating memories.
Frapp:We all know that you've been training our people and then selling them into slavery since the very beginning, and covering your crimes by pitting us against each other. And when Jun-Chev stole the eye trees, he was just trying to lower your price.The evidence is infallible. The punishment is death by consumption.
Lady Emily:As a human, I claim my right to human justice.
Schlock:We have a human attorney on staff. He has offered to represent you.
Massey:Not so fast, sergeant. I agreed to defend Ms. Veldtfontweg, but not before a kangaroo court of her enemies.
Massey:We must bring in a jury of her peers, preferably of several species, and from several star systems. There must be a handsomely stern prosecuting attorney, and a full deposition of witnesses and evidence, including these so-called 'Meme fragments.' There must be a decently formal courtroom, with a gallery, and a uniformed bailiff.And of course we cannot begin without a properly imposing and dignified judge. Someone with years of experience behind the bench, who has the respect of all, and who in turn respects the twin virtues of justice and mercy. A judge prepared to grant or revoke life or liberty as the law demands. A judge clothed with the honor of the court, and with a heavy, black robe. Something pricey. And a wig-we mustn't forget the wig.
Lady Emily:Eaten alive by a mob of amorphs, you say?
Schlock:Unless you honestly want human justice.
Lady Emily:Well, if you're going to offer me the choice...
Narrator:This is how plea-bargaining really should be done.