Sunday February 9, 2003
Narrator:Doythaban, Ex-bounty-hunter, ex-mercenary Commander, and an index case for dozens of cyber/genetic prototypes, has been debriefed aboard the U.N.S. Battleplate Tunguska. . .
Xinchub:What did you find, Major?
Major Deadguy:I'll start with the physical evidence. Doyt Gyo, as we knew him when he left our labs, no longer exists. His implanted Haban unit has been re-wired to his brain, so that consciousness is now a shared state between the two of them, or, rather, the one of them.
Xinchub:We're going to need some new pronouns before we finish this briefing.
Major Deadguy:Not my field, General. You might talk to Colonel Urquhearst, though. He's the man running Operation Babelfish.
Xinchub:I've tried. They've made enough progress that it's impossible to carry on a conversation with him.
UNS Govt Suit:Breeding adverbs with pronouns. . . Those guys have gone too far.
Major Deadguy:Moving right along, the subject, who we now refer to as "DoytHaban" has also been biochemically altered. He can secrete at least six different weapons-grade substances, all of which would be undetectable in their nascent state by current security screenings.
It's as if the madman who modified him wanted to create not only an extremely dangerous mole agent, but also a perfect pun on the phrase "Secreted Weapons."
Major Deadguy:All of this was corroborated by the data-dump from Haban 3122. The madman in question was none other than Doyt Gyo's last bounty.
Major Deadguy:I tried to cross-check Haban's data on Lazkowicz against our files, but there were no matches.
UNS Govt Suit:That's because those files have been sealed. You're not cleared for project Laz'r'us.
Xinchub:We'd tell you more, but then we'd have to kill you.
Major Deadguy:You mean if you tell me more than what I read in the haban dump, right?
UNS Govt Suit:Might I suggest we dip into our pool of top-clearance personnel for these briefings in the future?
Xinchub:Cleanup in briefing room three!