Tarn Betnetter: Welcome to HN3-FN, the hypernet news network's financial news. I'm tarn betnetter. In this hour we'll look at everything from hellish new hyperdrives to the burgeoning baby brontosaurus business
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Tarn Betnetter: Tonight's lead story, Andreyasn interstellar/intragalactic enterprises announced that they will be open-sourcing theri controversial alternative hyperdrive in a move to break the wormgate monopoly.
Tarn Betnetter: The wormgate corporation responded immediately, denouncing the teraport as unsafe, untested, unreliable, and impossible to regulate. Shares of Andreyasn I.I.E. (Symbol, ASININE) fell 99.965% in a veritable bloodbath of heavy trading.
Sign: All the news that's ??it to print
Narrator: 21st-century readers should ascribe the similarity between "wormgates" and "Bill gates" to simple coincidence.
Tarn Betnetter: In related news, the U.N.S. security council announced that it has developed and deployed a system for blocking any teraport activity in populated space.
SFX: BANG
Jun-Lin: Tarn, it looks like the golbwerians could learn a thing or two from the U.N.S. - this just in- Golbwerian high command's orbital base was vaporized by a conversion bomb. The creethlings for sovereignty and expansion took credit for the attack, and announced that they can strike any target at will with teraport-enabled missiles.
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Sign: Tonight on HN3 Sports Recap: Luna's qualifying rounds for the Sol-ympic curling team
Jun-Lin: And here's more breaking news... Shares in strohl munitions are up a hundred-thousand percent with their announcement of a home defense system against teraports.
Tarn Betnetter: Well, I think we'll just wrap things up early. I feel this urge to do a little bit of shopping down at planet mercenary, or maybe guns'r'us.
Tarn Betnetter: Goodnight, folks!
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Schlock: They're not going to get to the segment on baby brontosauruses, are they.
Kevyn: That's galactic revolution for you.
Ennesby: