Sunday January 5, 2003
Book 2: The Teraport Wars — Post Post-Dated Check Loan
Note: While it has no bearing on the fate of our heroes, Gaffy's story may serve as a handy cautionary tale.

Gaffy followed Schlock, Legs, and Andy out of the cell and out of the jailhouse, at which point he caught a cab and headed home. His wife heard him come in at 0121 local time, and while she was just angry enough to have taken a frying pan to him, she was also sleepy enough to wait until morning when she would be better rested, and could swing the pan while it was hot, and full of bacon grease.

Just under three hours later, at 0412 local time, the S.W.A.T. team knocked down the door, stormed the bedroom, and slapped restraints on a very hung-over Gaffy. On their way out the door, Gaffy was struck in the head with a thrown frying pan, at which point his wife was taken into custody on the grounds that she either attempted to assault an armored police officer with a class 2 kitchen implement, or was trying to murder her husband.

The attorney handling her case is also handling her divorce.


Narrator: Outside the local jail, a pair of bounty-hunters discusses their quarry.
Jevee Ceeta: It would seem the local yokels don't know powered fullerene suits when they see them.
Lex Callister: So the blob and his buddies broke out of jail?
Jevee Ceeta: They did. And just as soon as I strip out of this Colonel get-up we can hunt them down.
Jevee Ceeta: Give me some privacy, Lex. Just because I said 'strip' doesn't mean I'm gonna give you a free show.
Jevee Ceeta: That goes double for you.
Narrator: Oh. Sorry.
Narrator: Moments later, following some nakedness you'll just have to imagine, but which Ms. Jevee Ceeta would most certainly rather you not. . .
Lex Callister: If you're decent, can I give you the bad news?
Jevee Ceeta: What is it, Lex?
Lex Callister: Bongo just called. He pulled Doyt's contract. Somebody else is on him, and Bongo wants us to stay out of the way.
Jevee Ceeta: No way! We are gonna score this one. Who do we have to push over to get at Doyt?
Lex Callister: The U.N.S. Battleplate Tunguska has Doyt and his company pinned in dock at the Hellevator.
Jevee Ceeta: They sent a Battleplate?
Lex Callister: Hey, you know the U.N.S. - speak softly, carry a big stick.
Jevee Ceeta: I think it's time to go pick up a contract involving folks who carry smaller sticks, and do lots of shouting.
Lex Callister: As long as my stick is bigger, they can shout themselves hoarse.
Jevee Ceeta: Heh. Boys.