Sunday October 6, 2002
Narrator:Petey, the artificial intelligence at the heart of the mercenary superfortress 'Post-dated check loan,' relates a true tale of terror.
Petey:We were, as always, at war with the Kssthata, our two races cursed to have sprung up in the same planetary system.
Petey:I was known as Sword of Inevitable Justice then. I saw over a thousand seasons of service before my final campaign.
Petey:My captain on that mission was properly feared by the crew, and had a modest pair of ears.
Petey:Bay three had a captured Kssthrata troopship in it, and the captain was detailing a group to sweep it.
Petey:To this day I don't know how they suborned one of my fabbers. My captain died instantly, and his detail of boarders was scattered.
Petey:Thy moved fast... Faster than anyone expected, and in minutes there were ten thousand Kssthrata shock-troops loose inside me.
Petey:My allegiance passed equally to the captain's three master commanders, and in the confusion, I did not see the real threat.
Petey:I began to get conflicting orders, and I thought it was just a communication problem.
Petey:You've heard the old adage, "never ascribe to malice that which can be attributed to common stupidity."
Petey:Well, it's only good advice, when there is no malice afoot.
Elf:Why isn't this reenactment more colorful?
Petey:It's a mood thing. I like monochrome.
Elf:Yeah? It ain't workin' for me.
Petey:You just want to see more blood. Savage.