Sunday September 25, 2005

Note: 31st-century water-parks come complete with wave machines that would blow the wax right off the stick of even the most seasoned 21st-century surfer. Gravitic technology not only allows for the re-creation of the best North Shore pipes, but also made possible the creation new waves, never before seen in nature, like the North Shore Klein Bottle. Surf THIS, rhino-hunter. And bring extra wax.
Book 7: Emperor Pius Dei
Part I: Big Schlock, Little Schlock, What Begins With Schlock?


Narrator:Aboard the downed warship Integrity, in the conning tower.
Elf:Captain, Sir!
Captain Tagon:Get everybody back here, Elf. We're lifting in five minutes.
Elf:Sergeant Schlock has been. . . injured. He's asking for Ovalkwik.
Captain Tagon:Thurl! Take our charter pilot and make a grocery run. We need meals for nine for at least a week, plus a hundred kilos of Genuine Imitation Ovalkwik.
Kevyn:Captain. . . A little help, please?
Captain Tagon:Sergeant! Put Commander Andreyasn down now! That's an order!
Schlock:You. . . You died.
Captain Tagon:Dead people don't ream new cake-holes in their enlisted troops.
Captain Tagon:The extra eyes are. . . disconcerting, Sergeant.
Kevyn:They're nothing compared to the Crushing Grip Of Doom.
Elf:Captain, Legs reports that they've gotten lost. They won't make it back in five.
Captain Tagon:Am I right to assume that those two caused the flood?
Elf:They didn't know, sir.
Captain Tagon:Then I won't dress them down for flooding our ship.
Captain Tagon:I will, however, turn on the wave machine. We're lifting off now.