Sunday April 23, 2017
Book 17: A Little Immortality — Part II

Note: "secrete" is not a feces verb, but in the lexicon of all things metabolic Haban's body misappropriates several verbs, and does unspeakable things to a few unfortunate nouns. He can include in his excrement a pair of secretions in the binary-compound family of explosives, with his actual feces serving as a buffer preventing the two compounds from mixing prematurely.

For safety reasons, many of Haban's meals have the texture and fiber content of a big bowl of warm rope.


NARRATOR: An unsolicited lecture for the Penultimate Admiralty...

PETEY: Admiral Devereaux has a good grasp of the Long Gun problem.

PETEY: Acquiring targeting data from a hypernet feed is easy.

My hologram feed includes location data.

I could safely fire on these coordinates from across the galaxy, surgically assassinating all of you.

Fortunately for everyone, this is not a thing I want to do.

Now now, now ever.

human admiral: That's a sweet sentiment, but why do you expect us to trust you?

PETEY: You already trust each other.

Admiral Devereaux is wearing a sidearm, and you trust him not to discharge it into any of your heads.

Admiral Chu still has his Special Forces combat mods, and you trust him not to punch through even one of your skulls.

PETEY: Sec-Gen Attache Haban can secrete weapons, and you trust him not to fling explosive feces around the room.

urso admiral: I didn't actually know Haban could do that.

HABAN: But you do trust me not to drop my trousers during the meeting.

urso admiral: I used to.