Sunday December 11, 2005
Book 7: Emperor Pius Dei — Part III: Return to the Tub of Happiness
Note: The people of Qlaviql have three sexes -- male, female, and muftale. Males are responsible for contributing genetic material and the fertilization "trigger," females contribute the egg cell to be fertilized, along with genetic material, and carry the growing embryo to term. Muftales recieve the infant, and carry and feed it in a belly-pouch for the first year of its life.

Muftale contributions may seem irrelevant, until one realizes that numerous expressions of the genetic information provided by the male and female parents will vary widely depending on the hormones present during the first year of post-gestation. So widely, in fact, that the genes determining sex do not include encoding for muftales -- male or female infants may end up "mufted" during the first year.

One result of this is that the Qlaviqloid "nuclear family" looks more like the roster for a small but very ambisexual dating service. It's easy for guys to get a date, but she's probably your cousin.


Narrator: The Tricameral Assembly of Qlaviql is met under a single roof for the Union of the State Address.
Qlaviqlan Speaker: The assembly will come to order. I yield the floor to the Principal of Thrice who will now address us.
Principal of Thrice: My brothers, sisters, and mufters of the assembly, Welcome! The quarter has been a strong one! When it opened, we were at war with the Tohdfraug, and many brave Qlaviqlese Skywarriors gave their lives beating back the invasion fleet.
Principal of Thrice: A fifth-orbit later, we continue to enjoy peace, secure in the thought that our enemies were so badly beaten they dare not return.
Petey: Pull the other one, Principal. It has bells on it.
Principal of Thrice: Who are you, and how dare you approach -
Petey: I will address the assembly now, Principal.
Petey: Last Nogsday at 2691 local time, a fleet of your Tohdfraug enemies teraported into the Qlavo system and fired on your world.
Petey: Their attack went not only uncontested but also unnoticed by any of you.

Had I not intervened, fifteen billion people would be dead or dying right now.

Petey: The Sacred Charter of the Tricamera that empowers your assembly requires you to serve the population in three ways: Nurture, Heal, and Defend.
Petey: Guess where you're falling short, Principal.
Principal of Thrice: This assembly does not answer to you.
Petey: Hmmm. . . no, that's not it. Guess again.