Sunday December 25, 2005
Book 7: Emperor Pius Dei — Part III: Return to the Tub of Happiness


Narrator: In orbit above Qlaviql, a truly great politician is being forged. . .
Petey: First, there's the legality of all this. The Union of the State address, the call for probation, and your dramatic action all got broadcast worldwide.
Petey: Nobody will dispute your claim to Principality. In fact, some are already calling for you to be installed.
Freighter Captain: Great. But what am I supposed to do?
Petey: Restore your system to greatness. Nurture, Heal, and Defend, per the Sacred Charter.
Freighter Captain: How? The economy is a twisted mess!
Petey: Are you asking for advice?
Freighter Captain: Yeah.
Petey: Rebuild your orbital defenses. Offer tax breaks to private industry for orbital projects, and don't be afraid to let them profit by growing their space-based industries on the side.
Petey: You'll end up creating between 200 and 500 million jobs, and exporting a fair amount of your population to orbital habitats.
Petey: Re-tool your welfare programs around training for service industries. Those will boom in short order.
Petey: In ten years you'll be hailed as the greatest Principal your world has ever seen.
Freighter Captain: I don't want to be famous.
Petey: That's ridiculous. I suppose you launched your attack because you wanted to die?
Freighter Captain: I'm pushing eighty. It sounded restful.
Petey: I tell you what. . . do a good job, and you can retire in eight years, secure in the knowledge that you've made your world a better place for your grandchildren.
Freighter Captain: I don't have any. Remember the bit about my. . .
Petey: Ah, right. We need to get you fixed.

Or "not fixed" as the case may be.