Sunday December 25, 2005

Book 7: Emperor Pius Dei
Part III: Return to the Tub of Happiness


Narrator:In orbit above Qlaviql, a truly great politician is being forged. . .
Petey:First, there's the legality of all this. The Union of the State address, the call for probation, and your dramatic action all got broadcast worldwide.
Petey:Nobody will dispute your claim to Principality. In fact, some are already calling for you to be installed.
Freighter Captain:Great. But what am I supposed to do?
Petey:Restore your system to greatness. Nurture, Heal, and Defend, per the Sacred Charter.
Freighter Captain:How? The economy is a twisted mess!
Petey:Are you asking for advice?
Freighter Captain:Yeah.
Petey:Rebuild your orbital defenses. Offer tax breaks to private industry for orbital projects, and don't be afraid to let them profit by growing their space-based industries on the side.
Petey:You'll end up creating between 200 and 500 million jobs, and exporting a fair amount of your population to orbital habitats.
Petey:Re-tool your welfare programs around training for service industries. Those will boom in short order.
Petey:In ten years you'll be hailed as the greatest Principal your world has ever seen.
Freighter Captain:I don't want to be famous.
Petey:That's ridiculous. I suppose you launched your attack because you wanted to die?
Freighter Captain:I'm pushing eighty. It sounded restful.
Petey:I tell you what. . . do a good job, and you can retire in eight years, secure in the knowledge that you've made your world a better place for your grandchildren.
Freighter Captain:I don't have any. Remember the bit about my. . .
Petey:Ah, right. We need to get you fixed.

Or "not fixed" as the case may be.