Sunday March 21, 2010
Book 11: Massively Parallel — Part IV: Mallcop Command


NARRATOR: Deck 11, 20th South at the 233rd...

M'CONGER: Mornin' Nick.  Join me for breakfast?

NICK: Whatever.

M'CONGER: Cheer up!  I'm going to treat you to an awesome rock-a-stack, ape-style down on Deck 15.

Five donuts and a banana all mounted teeter-totter on half a grapefruit.  You'll love it!

NICK: Sure.

M'CONGER: You don't sound sure.

NICK: I spent all night dreamin' 'bout falling.

An' it was a short night anyway, 'cause o' Shodan drilling us on that Parky Batso stuff.

For all the good it'll do.  I'm still under Elf's kissing curse.  I need to be dreamin' 'bout girls, and kissin' em.  I gotta get motivated.

M'CONGER: Nick, you've got issues.  Stop worrying.  Just ask somebody out, and let nature take care of the rest.

NICK: Nature?  It's not that easy, M'Conger.

M'CONGER: Sure it is.  Lemme give you a trick I learned from fifty thousand years of evolution.

M'CONGER: Halfway through the meal you gaze longingly at her hair, and then reach across the table to touch it gently.

Then you fake pickin' out a nit, and you pop it in your mouth.

M'CONGER: "Forget dinner, my dear.  I want to eat in tonight."

NICK: It's romantic for you to eat bugs out of each others' hair?

M'CONGER: Hey, don't look at me like it's my fault.  The Uplift Congress left that bit in.