Sunday July 15, 2001
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness — Interrogation Interruption


Narrator: In lieu of actually answering email or discussion board posts about the tools of war found in the unfolding story, the author has opted to create this brief pictutorial for your reading pleasure.
Caption: Weapons Technology in the universe of Schlock Mercenary (or "guns and ammo in the Schlockiverse")
Caption: GG723i -- GG1611x
Narrator: Let's start with something simple: The Strohl munitions line of Gauss/gunfoam (G/G) hybrid pistols are dual-function handguns, firing varying speeds of flechettes or Mach-2 multi-function warheads (Depending on model. Not all features available in all pistols. Use only as directed).
Narrator: They're also next to useless against a well-armored opponent.
SFX: BLAM! Poik BLAM! Poik Th'p poik th'p poik th'p poik
Narrator: Armor comes in a lot of flavors, but the best passive armor is made out of fullerene tubules with many, many times the strength, flexibility, conductivity, and all-round utility of any alloyed metal.
Caption: Fullerine -- Titanium Steel
Narrator: Penetrating passive fullerene armor requires either a very, very fast projectile, or a very, very hot energy weapon. The BH-209 Plasgun is such a weapon, and Strohl Munitions has recently introduced the BH-250, which can discharge a higher volume plasma stream than the older 209m and 209i models.
Caption: BH-209 -- BH-250
Narrator: To defeat an energy weapon like the BH-250. . .
Schlock: We interrupt this narrative to demand an upgraded weapon.
Narrator: Shut up. These people are trying to learn something.
Schlock: They've heard enough to know that my gun isn't as big as it should be.
Narrator: Don't make me narrate you into another sewer. . .
Schlock: Eeep. Shutting up.
Narrator: Thank you. Now, as we were about to say, defeating energy weapons requires the application of nearly ten times as much energy as the weapon discharged.
Caption: Path of beam weapon -- Gravitic distortion
Narrator: Worse yet, that energy must be focused as gravitic distortions at the locus of the beam to be deflected--a tricky matter, since the beam is coming in at (or just under) the speed of light.
Narrator: Starships solve this problem with huge matter-to-energy reactors (Annihilator, or 'Annie' plants) capable of generating a unifield shield that completely surrounds the ship. The bigger the annie-plant, the better.
Caption: UNS Destroyer -- 300 meters long

Manned singleship dogfighter -- four meters

Narrator: Unfortunately, man-wearable annie-plants can only generate one decent locus of deflection. With enough sensors and a fast enough thinking machine, though, portable defense against energy weapons is possible.
Narrator: Such Artificial Intelligences are rare. Haban 3122 is one of them.
Caption: Minimally gross view of Haban
Narrator: Sadly, he's been stripped of all his gear, and is now armed only with a G/G pistol. The enemy has passive fullerene armor, masers, and plasguns.
Caption: (angry)
Narrator: Let's get ready to rumble.