Sunday August 20, 2000
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness — Diplomatic Pouch of Doom


Narrator: Pinned down in the Creeth transfer station, Captain Tagon, the Creeth Ambassador, and two of "Tagon's Toughs" evaluate their options. Surrender is not one of them...
Schlock: I count about twenty-five Creeth marines between us and the shuttle, sir.
Brad: My gauss-pistol has only recharged to about 30%, captain.
Tagon: Right. Are you boys ready to go down in a blaze of glory?
Schlock: By "blaze" you mean "funeral pyre", right sir?
Brad: And by "glory" you mean "stupidity"?
Ch'vorthq: I can clear a path to the shuttle for you, Captain Tagon.
Tagon: How, Ambassador? You aren't armed.
Ch'vorthq: I'm a walking bomb, remember? I can set myself off to save you.
Tagon: I can't let you do that.
Schlock: We can.
Ch'vorthq: The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.
Tagon: Ancient movie-quotes aren't going to win me over on this one.
Schlock: You've sold us on your plan, Ambassador. We'll hold Tagon. You go be noble.
SFX: (Ch'Vorthq's prosthetic whisk) Whirr
SFX: (Ch'Vorthq blowing up) BOOM
Tagon: Go Go Go!!!
SFX: (Schlocks Plasgun) THOOOM
Brad: We're away!!!
Tagon: Bogies at six-o-clock, Brad! Take evasive action!
Brad: What, now? It's only four-fifteen.
Brad: Awright, awright. So it's an old joke. Look at me, taking evasive action, as ordered.