Sunday December 4, 2005
Book 7: Emperor Pius Dei — Part III: Return to the Tub of Happiness


Narrator: Sergeant Schlock's memories are jumbled together with the memories of a time-travelling version of himself. He remembers things that never happened, that might happen, and that never will happen, and they all seem as "real" as his memories of what just happened.
Narrator: This would be funnier for everyone if it hadn't been the premise for a bad 28th -Century sitcom.
Elf: Captain! I. . . umm. . .
Captain Tagon: . . .Didn't hear me walk up behind you?
Elf: Sir. . . I think the Sergeant is making up stories about us.
Captain Tagon: Oh? What kind of stories?
Elf: I don't know. I only just heard a little but there was. . . umm. . ."
Captain Tagon: "Rank-inappropriate fraternization?"
Elf: Yeah, that.
Captain Tagon: Well. . . Sergeant, what do you have to say about this?
Schlock: I remember you kissing Elf, sir. She didn't have metal feet, though.
Captain Tagon: That sounds very romantic, Sergeant. But Elf and I don't remember doing any such thing.
Schlock: And then you cut off her head and threw us both into a big box.
Elf: Eeeew!
Captain Tagon: Well, I guess that's "tough love" for you.