Sunday April 8, 2001
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness — Interlude: Interrogation
Okay, okay. Face time with the author... I'll say this much. This last week has NOT been an extended April Fools' Day joke. This strip is read internationally, and I'm not sure if English speakers outside of the U.S. are stupid enough to celebrate a holiday that applauds the foolish, the prankster, and the inane. Here at Schlock Mercenary we'd like to think we're above that.

Still, it would have made a pretty good joke.

At any rate, The Narrator and I have straightened things out, but he won't be giving away any of my sinister plot twists any time soon. Suffice it to say that the last six days' worth of strips Really Happened (in the canonical storyline sense), and Tagon really, really should have thought to ask The Narrator about those events before I swore him to silence. The Fourth Wall is going back up for a while, folks...


Shv'uu: So we've flown our newly-acquired haunted warship across sixty-thousand light-years with just four wormgate crossings, and are a few hours from our current base of operations in an unused floor of a government office building on luna, in sol system.
Tagon: Sergeant sh'vuu, Why are you talking like that?
Shv'uu: Sorry, captain. It's just that the narrator usually introduces these sunday strips, and he's not here.
Tagon: What do you mean he's not here? He was right here when we entered the wormgate network.
Brad: I have a bad feeling about this. Like, I feel as if somewhere, somebody is dancing on my grave.
Narrator: Meanwhile, back in sol sys-Hey, what are you guys doing here?
Shv'uu: He's back! Where have you been?
Narrator: Never mind that... I'm just glad to see you alive! What happened?
Tagon: What do you mean 'what happened?' You're the narrator. You tell us.
Narrator: I saw you all captured, interrogated, and killed. We did six whole strips on it. But now you're alive, and i'm confused.
Tagon: That's not good. If you're confused, we've probably completely lost the audience.
Brad: Don't leave! We'll figure this out!
Tagon: Quick, pick up on sh'vuu's script, and get this plot moving again. Readers are bailing out in a panic!
Narrator: Yes sir!
Narrator: Our heroes have flown their newly acquired, haunted warship across sixty-thousand light-years with just four wormgate crossings, and are a few hours from their current base of operations in a--
Tagon: Never mind. We just hit the last panel.
Narrator: I'm going to get some face-time with the author and get to the bottom of this.
Tagon: You do that. We'll fly the rest of the way home on our own.
Shv'uu: Should I toss out a throwaway joke here at the end?
Brad: That's schlock's job. I wish he were here...