Sunday April 22, 2001
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness — Big Haunted Battleship


Narrator: How do you un-haunt a haunted warship?
Kevyn: Sergeant, would you come with me, please? I need your help placing some sensors.
Schlock: Sure. You need me to reach into a tight space for you?
Kevyn: Yup. Inside this black whater line.
Schlock: 'Black water' is a euphemism, isn't it.
Kevyn: Would you rather I said 'Please stick your head into the sewer?'
Schlock: Just because i've done it before doesn't mean I'm good at it.
Reverend: You can't track a ghost down with sensors, Kevyn. Everyone knows that.
Kevyn: True. But you can track down a plumbing problem. And since there's no such thing as ghosts, this voice in the pipes is just that: A plumbing problem.
Ghost In the Pipes: DIE, ENGINEER!
Kevyn: A very creepy plumbing problem.
Reverend: Creepy enough to drive the ship's A.I. insane, from what tagon says. That's ghost work, if you ask me.
Kevyn: Tagon did ask you, as I recall, and you tried your hocus-pocus on the 'ghost' and got a face full of black water for your trouble.
Reverend: I suppose you have some conveniently humanist point to make?
Kevyn: I was just going to suggest that if you have to get crap all over yourself, you might as well accomplish something in the process.
Schlock: Better yet, accomplish something while someone else gets covered in crap.
Kevyn: Nobody asked you.
Schlock: You're right. I was ordered into the sewer. Your sensors are in place, sir.
Narrator: For those keeping score, right now the crap is winning.