TV Con: Okay, viewers, let's be honest with each other, shall we? The fact that you're watching this channel right now tells me that you, my friend, don't have a job.
Narrator: (or your ship is being re-fitted while you wait. Whatever.)
TV Con: This in turn means two things: one: you need more money than you have, and two: You're dumb enough or inexperienced enough to think that this infomercial can help you get that money.
TV Con: What we're about to show you is not - I repeat, not - a multi-level marketing program. It is a brand new way to bring products to market, and its patented multiple level program is guaranteed to fit your busy schedule.
TV Con: If what I just said insulted your intelligence, you should change the channel now.
Schlock: I need this guy's address, and some breacher-round reloads.
Oufers: