Sunday April 6, 2003
Book 3: Under New Management — Part I: The REALLY Clever Monkeys
Note: The state of higher education being what it is, the symbols "puddy," "sphat," and "bilger" mean about as much to Galstandard-speaking frat boys as random greek letters mean to 21st-century college students.

In the ancient Enireth script, "puddy" is a glyph of a giant pseudo-primate, and one connotation is "nobility". The "sphat" glyph is a sleek fish, commonly synonymous with grace. A "bilger" is a pack animal, and one of the symbols of Enireth politics, denoting the diligence of the working class.

Naturally, the antics of the "noble, graceful worker" fraternity quickly led people to use alternate meanings for the symbols. It took very little stretching for them to come up with "big, drunken asses."


Narrator: Reception Desk, Psesah University Police Depot. . .
Enireth Dispatcher: University Police, How may I direct your call?
Enireth Dispatcher: I'm sorry, Library riots are emergencies. I'll have to transfer you. Please hold.
Automated Voicemail: If you'd like to report a crime in progress, press 'one' now. If you've stumbled onto a crime scene, press 'two.' For fire, hazmat containment failure, or life-support issues press 'nine' to be transferred to University facility management.
SFX: One
Automated Voicemail: You have chosen to report a crime in progress. For theft, burglary, vandalism, or loitering press 'one.' For assault, reckless endangerment, rioting, or telemarketing press 'two.' For attempted murder, murder, attempted suicide, suicide, attempted spam, or actual spam, press three.
SFX: Two
Enireth Dispatcher: University Police, level two emergency call center, how can I help you?
Enireth Police Y: The report says that some Puddy-Sphat-Bilger boys started a fight in the library. Rousting the humans again.
Veb: *sigh* Oh well. We might as well get in there and help the poor, defenseless, annoying humans.
Enireth Police Y: They don't look defenseless to me.
Veb: Oh, good! Shoot to kill.