Sunday May 11, 2003
Book 3: Under New Management — Part II: Tonight's Top Story


NARRATOR: Pugil sticks… They look like giant Q-tips, and are about as dangerous… which is to say that though they won't fit in ears, they can still leave you deaf and bleeding.

TAGON: You ready, Sergeant?

SCHLOCK: For that which you are about to receive, I am truly thankful.

NARRATOR: Pugil sticks have no moving parts, no electronics, and absolutely no sharp edges. Pugil-stick combat is a form of ritual combat, where touches with the color-coded 'swabs' are scored as hits. Killing and maiming is done symbolically. That said… no blood, no foul.

NARRATOR: In the orange shirt, Captain Kaff Tagon, standing tall at 190cm (about 6′ 3″) and weighing in at 95 kilos (call it 210 lbs).

NARRATOR: In the grey-green putty-flesh, Sergeant Schlock, whose height is variable, and who weighs around 250 kilos (550 lbs) depending on who he's eaten recently.


NARRATOR: If you're wondering how something with no blades can make that particular sound effect, you're catching on…

SCHLOCK: I'm pretty sure you cheated, sir.

TAGON: Maxim 31: "Only cheaters prosper."