Saturday May 5, 2001




It's Bonus Strip Time!
This strip appears as part of the Web Cartoonists Awareness Day. Be very wary of web cartoonists...
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness
Big Haunted Battleship

Transcript

Narrator:Virtually counseling the ship's computer system. . .
Petey:I can't stop thinking about it. At this point I'd have to destroy myself completely to forget.
Ennesby:Well, then, I guess it's a good thing that you're locked out of the ship's control matrix.
Petey:Indeed, suicide would be quite simple. You just need to throw one switch for me, and I'll do the rest.
Ennesby:Yeah, like I'm going to help you destroy the ship. You're a funny one.
Petey:The greater humor lies in the unconscious irony of your statement.
Thurl:He's disconnecting. Hey, Ennesby, how'd it go?
Ennesby:Ennesby can't talk right now.
Narrator:Wait, that's not funny at all. . .
Footnote:It's Bonus Strip Time!This strip appears as part of the Web Cartoonists Awareness Day. Be very wary of web cartoonists. . .
Narrator:Schlock gets a visitor in the night...
Author:Schlock, wake up. I need your help.
Schlock:Huh? What? What's wrong?
Author:I need to boost ratings. Point your gun at someone, and say something clever.
Schlock:I want to go back to sleep now. How many pieces do you want to be in when I do?
Author:That'll do. Thanks.
Schlock:As long as I've got you at gunpoint, who are you?
Author:You really want to know, do you? Well, I'm your boss.
Schlock:No you're not. I work for Captain Tagon, and he works for Admiral Breya.
Author:And she works for her investors, who are slaves to galactic currency, which works as one of the driving social elements of the galaxy.
Author:That galaxy, and the entire universe it sits in work for me. I created them.
Schlock:So you're saying I've got God at gunpoint?
Author:If it keeps you from pulling the trigger, then yes, that's what I'm saying.
Author:Truth be told, though, I'm not a god. I'm just a web-cartoonist.
Schlock:So I could pull the trigger and do somebody else's universe a BIG favor, right?
Author:Let's go back to the part where I explain how you are working for me. You, your friends, and your entire universe exist as a serial comic strip in my universe. The more people you entertain with your exploits, the more money I make off my creation.
Schlock:Wow. . . An entire universe in your employ. . . So, are you rich?
Author:Not exactly. I make a pretty good wage working for a software company, though.
Schlock:Let me get this straight: you created my universe, and have dragged every living being I know through countless perils, and you STILL have to work for someone else to pay your bills?
Author:It's a labor of love. At any rate, now you know. Be sure to be as entertaining as possible in the future, okay?
Schlock:Captain, I just had a horrible dream. . .
Schlock:I discovered we were working for a god who had created us for the sole purpose of entertaining people.
Tagon:Yup. A mercenary's worst nightmare is knowing too much about his employer.