Saturday May 5, 2001
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness — Big Haunted Battleship
It's Bonus Strip Time!
This strip appears as part of the Web Cartoonists Awareness Day. Be very wary of web cartoonists...


Narrator: Virtually counseling the ship's computer system. . .
Petey: I can't stop thinking about it. At this point I'd have to destroy myself completely to forget.
Ennesby: Well, then, I guess it's a good thing that you're locked out of the ship's control matrix.
Petey: Indeed, suicide would be quite simple. You just need to throw one switch for me, and I'll do the rest.
Ennesby: Yeah, like I'm going to help you destroy the ship. You're a funny one.
Petey: The greater humor lies in the unconscious irony of your statement.
Thurl: He's disconnecting. Hey, Ennesby, how'd it go?
Ennesby: Ennesby can't talk right now.
Narrator: Wait, that's not funny at all. . .
Footnote: It's Bonus Strip Time!This strip appears as part of the Web Cartoonists Awareness Day. Be very wary of web cartoonists. . .
Narrator: Schlock gets a visitor in the night...
Author: Schlock, wake up. I need your help.
Schlock: Huh? What? What's wrong?
Author: I need to boost ratings. Point your gun at someone, and say something clever.
Schlock: I want to go back to sleep now. How many pieces do you want to be in when I do?
Author: That'll do. Thanks.
Schlock: As long as I've got you at gunpoint, who are you?
Author: You really want to know, do you? Well, I'm your boss.
Schlock: No you're not. I work for Captain Tagon, and he works for Admiral Breya.
Author: And she works for her investors, who are slaves to galactic currency, which works as one of the driving social elements of the galaxy.
Author: That galaxy, and the entire universe it sits in work for me. I created them.
Schlock: So you're saying I've got God at gunpoint?
Author: If it keeps you from pulling the trigger, then yes, that's what I'm saying.
Author: Truth be told, though, I'm not a god. I'm just a web-cartoonist.
Schlock: So I could pull the trigger and do somebody else's universe a BIG favor, right?
Author: Let's go back to the part where I explain how you are working for me. You, your friends, and your entire universe exist as a serial comic strip in my universe. The more people you entertain with your exploits, the more money I make off my creation.
Schlock: Wow. . . An entire universe in your employ. . . So, are you rich?
Author: Not exactly. I make a pretty good wage working for a software company, though.
Schlock: Let me get this straight: you created my universe, and have dragged every living being I know through countless perils, and you STILL have to work for someone else to pay your bills?
Author: It's a labor of love. At any rate, now you know. Be sure to be as entertaining as possible in the future, okay?
Schlock: Captain, I just had a horrible dream. . .
Schlock: I discovered we were working for a god who had created us for the sole purpose of entertaining people.
Tagon: Yup. A mercenary's worst nightmare is knowing too much about his employer.