Saturday January 20, 2001
Inertiics (In-ur-shiks) is not so much a science as it is an art. Simply put, it is the art of bribing Einstein to steal the shirt from Newton's back, and then sell it back to him after emptying the pockets.

Consider: what kills you in a long fall is not hitting the ground, per se, but the acceleration. You need to accelerate from, say, 50 meters per second to 0 meters per second, and you need to do it instantly. Your body experiences the equivalent of hundreds of gravities of acceleration, and is crushed, since the most you can safely experience is somewhere between four and eight.

But TRUE gravitic acceleration, like you experience when you are falling, is not dangerous at all. So with the help of artificially generated gravity, inertiic logic saves your life when you hit. Sure, you decelerate rapidly, but rather than the deceleration being applied to one surface in a crushing blow, it's applied evenly, to every cell, molecule, atom... every measurable part of your body, all at the same time. As Brad's armor hits the concrete, the inertiics will kick in and "fall" him back in the direction he came, accelerating his body back up with hundreds of gravities of acceleration, for just a fraction of a second. Just long enough to compensate for the fact that his armored shell underwent the same deceleration with him in it.

At least, that's what the owner's manual says the inertiics will do. Tune in tomorrow to see Brad's armor on the ground in a puddle of gore.

Book 1: The Tub of Happiness
Bureaucracy Bountiful

Transcript

Narrator:Meanwhile, aboard the Kitesfear
Shv'uu:Corporal Bradley is calling. He says it's urgent.
Kevyn:Put him on.
Brad:*WHOOSH* Commander, could you tell mr just what kind of impact this armor is good against? *WHOOSH*
Kevyn:That's kinda tough to answer. What kind of impact are you thinking of?
Brad:Umm... Me. *WHOOSH* Impacting the ground.
Kevyn:I was wondering what that rushing sound was. I guess you're falling right now? Well, the inertiics will kick in, and should compensate just fine when you it the ground.
Brad:Thank you, sir. *WHOOSH* That's very *WHOOSH* reassuring... *WHOOSH*
Kevyn:Hang in there, Brad.
Kevyn:Rushing sound?Uh-oh.
Kevyn:Brad! Put on your helmet!
Brad:*WHOOSH* I didn't catch that, sir. The wind is getting too loud. *WHOOSH*