Sunday February 25, 2001
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness — Bombs Ahoy


Narrator: Our little band of mercenaries has a new home in an office building, and their Mess Sergeant has just returned from a shopping trip at the membership warehouse. . .
Ch'vorthq: Awright you guys. . . Who's gonna help me unpack?
Ch'vorthq: Chow time! Who wants to eat?
Ch'vorthq: Lookit the volunteers. . .
Breya: Ch'vorthq, you bought an entire pallet of toilet paper.
Ch'vorthq: It was the smallest size they had.
Ch'vorthq: Besides, I got the foodservice pack of Stabb's Smokehouse Chili. I think we'll be needing the--
Breya: Forget I brought it up. And be sure to get a case of industrial-strength antacid next time you're out.
Ch'vorthq: Sergeant Schlock, I've got your Imitation Ovalkwik right here.
Schlock: All right! Time to hit that chocolate-craving spot with some heavy artillery.
Ch'vorthq: Before you dig in, I'dd like to read the ingredients to you.
Schlock: Uh-oh. . . collateral damage to the conscience.
Ch'vorthq: I'm being serious. Listen to this list. . .
Ch'vorthq: Glucose, fructose, corn syrup solids, concentrated cocoa-bean extract, assorted methylxanthine alkaloids (including caffeine, theobromine, and theophylline), sodium laureth sulfate, Minoxadyl, buckminster fullerene, codeine, hyper-ephedrine, nicotine, with BHA and BHT added to preserve freshness.
Ch'vorthq: Sergeant, you will be drinking a very heavy stimulant cocktail cut with shampoo and inert ultra-tensile carbon.
Schlock: I don't drink it. I eat it straight.
Ch'vorthq: And I suspect you're addicted to it.
Schlock: Step away from the tub of happiness.