Sunday May 23, 2004
Book 5: The Scrapyard of Insufferable Arrogance — Part II: A Hand of Acey's (CSI Parody)


Narrator: CSI team lead Gus Grizzly puts it all together for us...
Ozvegan Griz: Our former suspect Sergeant Schlock, was assigned as Mister Nubs bodyguard.
Ozvegan Griz: The facility was secured, but not agianst a gate-clone... A true copy of Acey Nubs.
Ozvegan Griz: The clone used some weapon or another to incapacitate schlock remotely, and then entered the room to kill Acey Nubs.
Ozvegan Harrick: And we showed no traces of a third person, because the 'bot couldn't differentiate.
Ozvegan Ryk: What I don't get is the hand, Griz. Why would the gate clone need the hand?
Ozvegan Griz: Oh, that's easy. He... Um...

Uhh, I don't know.

Ozvegan Griz: Oh, wait a minute... Oh, wow.
Ozvegan Griz: The clone smashed Schlock and Acey Nubs by remotely tipping those cabinets on them.
Ozvegan Griz: Nubs is pinned. His right hand is trapped behind a cabinet he can't move.
Ozvegan Griz: But the plasgun... It's been knocked close enough to him that he can use it, but he has to use his two left hands, his weaker hands.
Ozvegan Griz: It's over in an instant. Acey Nubs kills his gate-clone in self defense with a plasma bolt straight through the chest.
Ozvegan Harrick: What about the cut hand and the clothing changes?
Ozvegan Griz: Don't you get it? Nubs realized he could escape his enemies forever. All he needed to do was make it look like the clone was him: Exchange clothing, fire a matching blast... It's simple.
Ozvegan Griz: The hardest part would have been freeing himself by cutting off his own hand.
Ozvegan Ryk: Eeew.
Ozvegan Griz: Just talking about this sets you off?
Ozvegan Ryk: Sorry, gotta... Ulp... Run!
Narrator: You might call Ryk's departure a "running gag."
Acey Nubbs: