Sunday May 9, 2004
Book 5: The Scrapyard of Insufferable Arrogance — Part II: A Hand of Acey's (CSI Parody)


Narrator: A corpse is currently suffering methodical indignity in the Ozvega morgue.
Ozvegan Coroner: Griz, I think we've got a problem with this severed hand you found at the scene.
Ozvegan Coroner: i checked several independent indicators for time of death, and the hand died almost forty minutes after the body did.

That leaves you with a tough question.

Ozvegan Coroner: ... Do you know where that hand of yours has been?
Ozvegan Griz: You sound like my mother.
Ozvegan Coroner: Could be your suspect removed the hand, stuck it onto some sort of life support unit, and then used it to open a palm lock.
Sign: Acey's Cash

Ozvegan Griz: That would explain the cutting rather than the causterization burning the hand off would leave my patch points for life support.
Ozvegan Coroner: It also gives you your motive.
Ozvegan Ryk: Yo, Griz, you guys done with the... No, you're not.
Ozvegan Ryk: Looks like you're still right in the, ummm... middle... of the... umm...
Ozvegan Coroner: Yeah, we've got mister nubs spread out over this table like an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet.
Ozvegan Griz: Except that sushi is raw, and our vic here has been cooked in the middle.
Ozvegan Ryk: S'cuse me. I need to go see a man about barfing up a horse.