Wednesday, February 7, 2001

Note:The artificial intelligence community has long protested the use of rational, "thinking" machines as detonators. The war-machine lobby is quite powerful in governments across the galaxy, however, so legislation restricting manufacturers has never been successfully passed.

One well-intentioned group of artificial intelligences mounted a huge media campaign: "Truth," they called it. Their public service annoucements targeted young AIs serving as detonators, explaining in uncompromising language that their choices would get them killed, and that there were things the smart-bomb industry just did not want them to know.

The campaign was a dismal failure. AIs working as detonators do not get to watch television.

Addendum to Note: At the time I wrote this strip I thought I was being SOOOO clever. "Smart bombs!" I said to my wife. Then she told me about a horrid B-movie called Dark Star, in which a smart bomb has to be argued out of blowing up. I think it was filmed before I was born.

Addendum to Addendum to Note: Frankly, I had a couple of choices for today's strip. One of them involved lots of explosion art, but no jokes. The other was this unoriginal, tired, worked over smart-bomb idea that made me laugh out loud, but featured exactly no artwork. In fact, it's funnier that there's no artwork. It's like, in a fit of plagiarism I decided to rip everybody off.

(sigh). Go away now. No more notes.


Bonus Note:Before you email me to tell me what a great movie Darkstar is, please be aware that I've already heard all about it. And I've heard about smart bombs in "Starship Titanic," too. And I now know that Darkstar was filmed by the same guy who went on to do Alien, and that it was done 6 years AFTER I was born. In fact, I now know far, far more about "Darkstar" than I ever wanted to.

If you'd like to email me to tell me how funny you think I am, you are welcome to do so. If you'd like to ask for my address so that you can send me money, I'll give it to you (well, I'll give you a maildrop address, because some of you rabid "Darkstar" fans might take it into your heads to send me a smartbomb...)


Transcript for Wednesday, February 7, 2001
Narrator: There are three bombs on the mercenary cruiser Kitesfear, and they want to blow up. It is their one hope and dream. . . Their ambition, even.
SmartBomb Yellow: hey. . . it feels like the ship is moving.
SmartBomb Pink: can't be. the docking clamps haven't blown.
Clock: 007.05
SmartBomb Yellow: well, what about the pressure sensors?
Clock: 006.21
SmartBomb Green: there's a small change, but it's within tolerance.
SmartBomb Yellow: inertial sensors are wiggling a little. this is suspicious. let's blow up.
Clock: 004.53
SmartBomb Pink: we can't just blow up on a whim, you know that.
SmartBomb Yellow: fine. let's vote then.
SmartBomb Green: can I call the roll this time?
Clock: 003.00
SmartBomb Yellow: oh, all right.
SmartBomb Green: we'll have to hurry, though, because the timer runs out in a second and a half.
Clock: 001.38
SmartBomb Pink: you know, we could just wait for the timer.
SmartBomb Yellow: where's the fun in that? I want to exercise a little free will before I go.
SmartBomb Pink: moot point. time's up.
Clock: 000.00
Narrator: Smart-bombs lead such unfulfilling little lives.


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