Sunday December 17, 2000
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness — Bureaucracy Bountiful


Narrator: Escalation: The process of getting what you want out of people who don't want you to have it. Also, the process of starting a war...
Luna Bureaucrat 2: I'm sorry sir. Before we can process your license you need some signatures from the bureau of reclamation. I'm afraid I need to send you across the street for those.
Luna Terrorist: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Sign: All applicants must be completely unarmed before approaching the desk.
Luna Terrorist: I'm a disgruntled ex-civil servant, and I'm armed.
Luna Terrorist: If you don't process my license right now, I'm going to start making small, yet significant holes in people.
Sign: Oh, never mind. Forget that we mentioned it...
Schlock: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Schlock: I'm a professional soldier, and I'm better armed than you are. If you make a ruckus, I'll burn your body to a crisp, and then eat the ashes.
Luna Loxodont: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Luna Loxodont: 'Cause he's my friend, and I've got your plasgun.
Luna Loxodont: Now, let's hear some properly terrified screaming, puny humans!
Nick: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Brad: Doctor, come quickly. Nick got in a fight with an elephant!!
Bunni: Oh my! Do I need the cryo-kit?
Brad: Maybe, but I don't think the elephant will fit in it.