Sunday July 16, 2000
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness — Meet The Mercenaries


Narrator: Their ship has been disabled bt a virus seeking sanctuary. A warship full of angry attorney drones is bearing down on them at 60% light speed...
Narrator: The mercenary company's only hope lies in an experimental hyperdrive, the Teraport. But do they dare use it?
Tagon: Kevyn, I have a hard time trusting a starship drive that is the size of my fist.
Kevyn: Why? Mini-nuke grenades and collapsar bombs are about this size.
Tagon: Those comparisons completely fail to reassure me.
Tagon: It doesn't matter. We're out of time. Kevyn, fire up the Teraport. The rest of you do something useful, like praying.
Narrator: The reader may be interested to note that plyers of deep space are often given to prayer. These simple utterances typically take the form of "Oh (Insert name of deity here)." The reader may also be interested to note that , to a man, our heroes would appear to worship excrement.
SFX: (Teraport activation) CLICK
Entire Crew: OH S__T
Entire Crew: (Collective sigh of relief)
Shv'uu: Sir, we are out of the Celeschul System!
Tagon: Excellent. Now can you tell me where we are?
Shv'uu: I don't know yet. But we seem to be missing about eighteen hundred kilos of mass.
Kevyn: Oh. That mass was converted to energy to power the wormholes.
Tagon: Which mass? Kevyn?
Kevyn: I don't know. It should be just a molecule here and there. The function is supposed to be random.
Kevyn: I guess we could look around and see if anything's missing...
Schlock: Has anyone seen my Sports Lustyrated "1000 Years of Swimsuit Editions" collection?