Sunday July 23, 2000
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness — Meet The Mercenaries


Narrator: A sleek unidentified yacht approaches the mercenary carrier Kitesfear. Defensive preparations are made, and tactical plans are unfolded, lest the yacht prove hostile.
Narrator: The yacht hails, but only after closing to a range that is considered, in spacefaring circles, as decidedly impolite.
Narrator: New tactics are called for...
Breya: My investors are here already? But my presentation isn't finished.
Tagon: We are being boarded! Quick! Everyone look profitable!
Board Members: Breya, when we entrusted you and Kevyn with the marketing budget, we expected you to buy hypernet commercials.
Breya: True. But you also asked me to think outside the box. What better marketing tool could you ask for than a company of space mercenaries?
Board Members: How about a tool that won't get blown up?
Breya: In order to sell the public on Kevyn's Teraport Hyperdrive, we need to demonstrate it. This investment will make for some very dramatic demonstrations.
Board Members: As well as some very dramatic lawsuits.
Breya: Good marketing must also create a perceived need for the product. People have to feel that they are buying it for their security.
Board Members: I'm more concerned with the security of my investment! I want my money back.
Breya: And what could breed insecurity faster than a band of heavily-armed, freelance soldiers?
SFX: (Schlocks Plasma Gun) THOOOM
Board Members: AIEEE!
Board Members: My tail!
Board Members: My eyes!
Board Members: I'm burning!
Board Members: AAAAUUGH!
Board Members: Medic!
Breya: As I recall, our script called for a warning shot.
Schlock: Right. I dialed the intensity clear down to three.
Breya: That means you were supposed to miss.
Schlock: Oh ... well, they've stopped arguing with you, haven't they?
Board Members: Keep my money. Here! Have some more!!
Board Yacht: