Monday October 2, 2000
Book 1: The Tub of Happiness — BOARDERS!!
Historical Note: 21st-century readers may be confused by what appears to be an IBM logo on what appears to be a conventional toilet. This depiction is neither an attempt to slight the fine business machines made by IBM, nor to malign toilets.

In the late 28th century, the old Earth corporation, International Business Machines lost its trademark to a much larger, more powerful, intragalactic corporation. After all, by that time Earth's "IBM" was making outmoded processors that were still huge by galactic standards (nearly the size of an eyelash!), while the mighty galactic IBM, "Intragalactic Bowel Movements," was making top-of-the-line toilets for spacecraft.

Intragalactic BM put up with Earth's little computer manufacturer for centuries before initiating the suit. They tried for over 130 years to resolve the trademark dispute out of court, but finally the Bowel Movement company decided not to take any more of IBM's crap.

The tide of public opinion was in favor of Intragalactic Bowel Movements. After all, Earth's "IBM" made cold, impersonal machines, but IBM had form-fitting, self-sterilizing, heated toilet seats going for it. With successful media blitzes ("Gotta B.M.? Think IBM!" and "Where do you want to go today?") and the help of a few hundred Partnership Collective attorneys, Intragalactic Bowel Movements sued the relatively tiny Earth company, and took the trademark.


Narrator: They say that the battle plan never survives first contact with the enemy.
SFX: <Footstep, Footstep>
Schlock: (thinks) Uh-oh... company. Gotta morph... need camoflage.
Narrator: The plan: Don't get dicovered. Hide, and stay hidden. Wait.
Sign: (on toilet) IBM
SFX: (schlock morphing) <Hmmorph>
Narrator: Contact.
Schlock: Crap.