Narrator: From the memoirs of Jud shafter, K.F.D.A. commando...
Jud: Yeah, lots of guys talk about bravery. But when things get rough, most guys just let go.
Jud: I mean literally - they just let their bowels go, and when the action is over, they need clean shorts.
Jud: But not me. Never. I've always kept my pants clean, even in the foulest, the most underhanded of enemy ambushes.
Jud: Eek!
Jud: Like the time an ugly, alien mercenary surprised me in the bathroom. I kept my pants clean, I did.
Narrator: Jud neglects to mention that his pants only stayed clean because they were around his ankles at the time.
SFX: (schlock coughing) Cough, Hack