Sunday April 22, 2001

Book 1: The Tub of Happiness
Big Haunted Battleship


Narrator:How do you un-haunt a haunted warship?
Kevyn:Sergeant, would you come with me, please? I need your help placing some sensors.
Schlock:Sure. You need me to reach into a tight space for you?
Kevyn:Yup. Inside this black whater line.
Schlock:'Black water' is a euphemism, isn't it.
Kevyn:Would you rather I said 'Please stick your head into the sewer?'
Schlock:Just because i've done it before doesn't mean I'm good at it.
Reverend:You can't track a ghost down with sensors, Kevyn. Everyone knows that.
Kevyn:True. But you can track down a plumbing problem. And since there's no such thing as ghosts, this voice in the pipes is just that: A plumbing problem.
Ghost In the Pipes:DIE, ENGINEER!
Kevyn:A very creepy plumbing problem.
Reverend:Creepy enough to drive the ship's A.I. insane, from what tagon says. That's ghost work, if you ask me.
Kevyn:Tagon did ask you, as I recall, and you tried your hocus-pocus on the 'ghost' and got a face full of black water for your trouble.
Reverend:I suppose you have some conveniently humanist point to make?
Kevyn:I was just going to suggest that if you have to get crap all over yourself, you might as well accomplish something in the process.
Schlock:Better yet, accomplish something while someone else gets covered in crap.
Kevyn:Nobody asked you.
Schlock:You're right. I was ordered into the sewer. Your sensors are in place, sir.
Narrator:For those keeping score, right now the crap is winning.